Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Crap as an appetizer

This is what passes for rational commentary and persuasive speech from the Left in Oregon (but I repeat myself).

Voters selected this menu

After having been force-fed a steady diet of terrorist teriyaki in 2004, fearful Americans re-enthroned a delusional White House chef de cuisine who believes that he has a divine mandate to jam his recipe for theocracy down the nation's throat.

Consequently, a five-star evangelical eatery has its tables set for a battle between Planned Parenthood and the state of South Dakota. This fundamentalist food court is called Chez Scalitomas. And anti-choice members of its staff are now preparing the Lord's supper at One First Street NE in Washington, D.C.

For carnivores, the reactionary restaurant's road kill menu may soon feature eviscerated Roe vs. Wade served on a tasty bed of freshly slaughtered stare decisis. Vegans may be offered a delightful Garden of Eden salad topped with a heavenly creationist dressing intelligently designed by cordon bleu Bible-thumpers.

Voters asked for this born-again carte du jour. Now the meal they ordered from it is about to be served. Bon appetit!

What I don't understand is why a reputable newspaper would print such tripe. It's not even very clever. It contains all the usual tropes mouthed by the Left. It's certainly not original.

So, let's carve this turkey!

First you have the use of the word "enthroned", as if Bush were some kind of unlawful or illegitimate ruler. Bill Clinton served two terms and never once garnered more than 50% of the vote. Was he "enthroned", too?

Then is the mandatory claim that America is going to become a theocracy. Well, which is it, crunchy? Is he a monarch or a mullah? I won't even pretend to understand what the next paragraph is all about. The author seems to be saying that the theocratic lackeys of George Bush on the Supreme Court (only two of whom were appointed by him) are going to overturn Roe v. Wade. Well, so what if they do? Then what will happened is what should have happened before the disastrous Roe ruling was handed down. The people might actually get to decide if abortion should be legal.

What I don't get is the fact that, despite all the overblown rhetoric about rulers being enthroned and theocratic takeovers of society and democracy and its institutions being sacrificed, the author contradicts all his own breathless pronouncements in the title and the second-to-last sentence. " Voters asked for this born-again carte du jour." Yes, they did. Get over it.

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